


set it on fire (burn it down)

by cherrychoke



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Fluffish, Gangs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Pyromania, Relationship Discussions, discussion of mental health issues, it's ok ig?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 14:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20565608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychoke/pseuds/cherrychoke
Summary: sehun gets tangled up because of his urges to set things on fire.





	set it on fire (burn it down)

**Author's Note:**

> so........ i tried something new? i wanted to try writing something longer? i enjoyed writing this a lot. major(tm) inspiration was gangsta by kehlani initially, but then teeth by 5sos fueled it further and here we are! i hope you like it! (also this is turning out to be by favorite ot3? sebaekho? subaekhun?)

He’s well aware how bad it sounds. Bad, bad idea. It ignites a strange fire in him -- akin to the car burning in front of him right now. The heat of the broken down car pulses throughout his body, better than loud music at a party, better than anything he’s ever experienced so far.

“A whole fucking building on fire,” He says to everyone, staring at the fire they’re surrounding, fascinated by the light it gives at one in the morning. “A building on fire.”

Everyone stares at him with confused looks. Sehun understands that this isn’t his crowd. Nobody’s interested in the fire like he is, nobody will understand his strong urge to do what he said.

  
  


The first time he saw fire was when he was two years old. Everyone told him to not touch the candle, coaxing him away from the fire, but he was drawn to it like a moth towards light. He burnt his fingers trying to touch it, learnt he shouldn’t touch it, yet nobody told him it was bad to light things on fire. 

When he was old enough to be left alone in the house for 10-20 minutes, Sehun would be drawn to the prayer room, where a candle always burnt, where there were matchsticks. He’d blow away the fire, light a matchstick, watch it burn the whole thing away, leaving black marks behind. His mother would rush to him, worried he’d burn himself, and Sehun would put on the cutest smile he could manage. “I was just trying to light it back,” he’d say, pretending to be innocent. “It’s just so dark here when the candle isn’t lit.”

“My good boy,” his mother would carry him back to the living room, smiling worriedly. “It’s okay. Tell mom next time, okay? I don’t want you getting hurt, Sehunnie.”

He started stealing matchboxes. Keeping them in his room, it felt amazing just to have it near him. On good days, he’d sit in the corner and burn two. On bad days, he’d sit near his bed and burn ten all together. 

He realized it was a problem when he was at a camp. They were burning all the old notebooks and useless papers they had on the last day. Sehun really, really wanted to burn notebooks and papers one by one, but the camp instructor said something which still makes him happy. “The bigger the pile, the better the fire is.”

  
  


He slowly learnt to clean up his tracks to fires. He’d burn things, random objects stolen from various places, and make sure nobody could track him down for it. He would’ve burnt his own belongings, but college put him a huge amount of debt. He takes only small things from people, something which can be considered ‘lost’ and not ‘stolen’ most of the time. The urge had become excessive, especially after watching a car on fire. He wanted more of it. More, more,  _ more _ .

Pressed up against a wall in a narrow alley, Sehun found himself reaching for his mother’s necklace. The shadows the two bulky people moving around, indistinct chatter echoing off the walls. He considered himself dead. He ‘stole’ one of the two bulky guy’s wooden rubix cube, he didn’t think it was a big deal, and lit it on fire. He did the usual routine, except he didn’t know the two guys were near him -- didn’t know they watched him light the cube on fire and hold it like a maniac.

The cube burned slow, as if the smaller cubes were passing on the fire instead of catching fire. He could finally hold the thing. He could finally hold a thing which was on fire, and his urge to hold the fire returned. He was reaching out for the fire when the two people yelled across the street, startling him. He dropped the cube and ran. Ran till he found this alley, thankfully the two guys weren’t behind him when he crawled up here.

Sehun flinches upon hearing a footstep nearby. He glances at the dimly lit area and finds a silhouette of a short man. “What are you doing here?”

“Hiding,” Sehun is surprised his voice doesn’t break. “Don’t give my place away.”

No ‘please’, no politeness in his tone, nothing to make the guy take pity on him and leave him alone. His body starts to sweat. Maybe this guy doesn’t like taking orders, and he’ll step out and tell them he’s here.

The guy squats down near him. His face becomes visible -- boy is he handsome. Sehun feels a little breathless again. He stares at the person, at his lips, at his eyes, at the shiny fake-diamond stuck on the outer corner of his eye. He’s so handsome. “Why are you hiding?”

Taken aback, Sehun stares at the handsome stranger in front of him. “Um,” he stutters. “I took one of their rubix cube and burnt it.”

“Wow,” The stranger laughs. His laugh is cute. “Why’d you burn it?”

Sehun feels a wave of embarrassment hit him. What’s he going to say?  _ Oh, I just like lighting things on fire. I do it for entertainment purposes _ . Bullshit. He’ll be called crazy. “I, just-- we’re enemies.” He looks at the stranger in eye, to convince himself and the person. “I knew he loved that cube, so I burnt it.”

“False,” the stranger’s aura changes, he’s more menacing, he’s glaring at Sehun. “We haven’t even seen you in the neighbourhood until today. Tell me the truth, kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” Sehun grunts. “You’re not going to believe me even if I tell you the truth.”

The stranger hums. “We’ll see about that. Tell me first.”

“Promise me you won’t hurt me,” He argues. It’s stupid to argue with a person who’s definitely planning on hurting him, he realizes, then says. “I just like to light things on fire.”

“What?” The stranger wheezes out a laugh, standing up, supporting himself on the wall. “What did you say?”

“I like lighting things on fire.”

  
  
  


They tease him a lot when Junmyeon’s around. Call him Junmyeon’s ‘pet’ and that Junmyeon’s got him on a leash, but Sehun doesn’t mind. The elder throws him worried glances, telling him silently that all of the teasing will stop if he just says the word. But Sehun likes it. He likes being called ‘Junmyeon’s pet’ because he is. Sort of.

On a single word by the elder, Sehun’s taken down many vehicles, many small shops. He’s been asking Junmyeon to let him take down a whole building -- light it on fire like it’s a celebration for their four-year friendship anniversary.

“C’mon, hyung,” Sehun begs, tugging at Junmyeon’s arm so he can’t sign whatever Baekhyun is giving him. Baekhyun laughs at him, mutters ‘your pet needs attention, Junmyeon’ and leaves. Sehun grins. “Think of one skyscraper you wanna take down. Or four. Whatever’s fine. Just a skyscraper.”

Junmyeon caresses his cheek. “Sehunnie, we’re not taking a skyscraper down. There’s none right now and it’s too risky.”

“But you’ll tell if you have one,” He smiles smugly. “Right?”

“I will, but there isn’t any right now.”

  
  
  


Twenty minutes into the meeting, Sehun is bored to death. He spins around mindlessly, like a child at his father’s business meeting, and Junmyeon stops his chair with his foot, glaring at him. It makes Sehun flush, he pulls himself closer to the table, sits silently. The meeting continues, but Junmyeon holds his hand under the table, giving him something to focus on other than the boring meeting. Sehun plays with Junmyeon’s fingers. They’re nice and thick, the signet ring he wears makes his fingers look thicker than they are.

“Sehunnie,” Baekhyun calls from next to him, patting his thigh affectionately. “Pay attention.”

“It’s boring,” Sehun whispers to him. Baekhyun and Junmyeon have been the only ones who understand him, and they’re the older ones in the gang. He stops playing with Junmyeon’s hand, just holds it this time. “I want to leave.”

“Pay attention,” Baekhyun repeats, but with a sympathetic smile on his face. Like he’s been there. (He probably has.) “Couple more minutes.”

Sehun places Junmyeon’s hand on his thigh, leans his elbows on the table, listens to whatever the strangers are offering them. They’re trying to settle, he realizes after a good minute, settle it with better guns and more property. He already doesn’t like the idea.

“No,” he cuts one of them off, glaring at the person who was talking. “We aren’t dumb--”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon warns. “Behave.”

Baekhyun gives his thigh a squeeze. Another warning, but gentler. Sehun huffs, leans back on the chair. Fine. Whatever. It’s his loss. He notices how annoyed Kyungsoo is by his antics. Oh well.

The meeting finishes within five minutes, Junmyeon puts whatever Sehun said in a polite tone, with subtle mockery. Junmyeon likes to tease subtly, Baekhyun outright laughs at people’s faces. They make a good combination. Once the strangers leave, Sehun makes a beeline to Kyungsoo, hugs him from the back. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be so childish,” Kyungsoo scolds, but he’s stroking Sehun’s arm gently. “It’s just a meeting, but important one.”

“They were being foolish,” Sehun mutters. “Guns and property. Really?”

Kyungsoo turns around with a knowing smile. He likes talking about how dumb people are. He’s the one who taught Sehun all the lawyer-like things he needs to know. “Right? I couldn’t deal with their bullshit, I zoned out.”

Sehun glances at Baekhyun and Junmyeon. It’s his bad luck to catch their tiny, shy kiss. He looks at the man in front of him with burning ears, and hugs him once more. Kyungsoo doesn’t return it, but he likes it anyway. Kyungsoo isn’t a hugger. “I’ll find something to burn.” He says.

“I have stained bedsheet in the corner of my room,” Kyungsoo offers. “Just don’t touch it, though.”

“What kind of stain?”

Kyungsoo only smirks and leaves. Sehun’s eyes widen. He cringes.

  
  


The bedsheet burns prettily. Maybe because Kyungsoo kept it so clean. Whatever it is, it’s pretty, and Sehun lays down on the ground to look at it closer. His face inches away from the cackling fire. He threw in a couple of dry sticks for the sake of it. They sort of break in the fire, making lulling sounds. The heat on his face might’ve become too much, but Sehun is used to it. He keeps the fire as close as possible.

_ This isn’t pyromania _ , he thinks. He hates the word they’ve given him. The psychiatrists. He loves fire, not only lighting things on fire. He still has to go to daily therapy sessions, take weird pills to control his equally weird urges. His friends are nice, though. Give him things to burn everyday. Sometimes twice a day. Junmyeon doesn’t indulge him anymore, the psychiatrist told him strictly to avoid letting him burn things. Baekhyun’s stopped, too. It makes him a little upset, but the pills help.

“You’re too close,”

Sehun moves back, sits on his shins with, annoyed. He looks back at Junmyeon with a sarcastic smile. “Thanks.”

“It’s for your own good,” Junmyeon aruges. He sits next to Sehun, legs crossed. He stares at the fire, looking fascinated at the black bedsheet turning into ashes. “It’s Kyungsoo’s.”

“It was stained.” Sehun crosses his legs, too. He’s still taller than Junmyeon. He hunches his shoulders. “Don’t yell at him.”

“I won’t,” Junmyeon promises. He leans his head on Sehun’s shoulders.

Sehun looks at Junmyeon, their faces touching a little.  _ I could kiss him _ , Sehun thinks,  _ nobody would know _ . He leans in a little. Junmyeon removes his head from his shoulder. He looks startled. “Sehun.” It’s the same voice he used at the meeting. Softer, maybe a little scared. “I’m seeing Baek.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Yeah. I know. Sorry.”

Junmyeon doesn’t leave, though. He stays till it’s over. Sehun feels the usual post-fire drunkenness in him. He stands up, lightheaded, and cleans the ashes with Junmyeon’s help. He stares at the man while cleaning, Junmyeon avoids eye contact but talks to him like nothing happened. Like Sehun didn’t try to kiss him.

  
  
  


Baekhyun comes to his room at night. He slides under the sheets with him, arm around his waist, nuzzles his nose against Sehun’s shoulder. “Heard you tried to kiss Junmyeon.”

“Sorry,” Sehun whispers. That’s all is in his mind. He’s numb from the pills. He’s pretty sure one of them is a sleeping pill.

“Don’t be,” Baekhyun mutters against his shoulder. “I understand. But you should know,” he presses his teeth against the t-shirt. “I don’t like cheating, or cheaters.”

Sehun sighs heavily. “Sorry.”

“We could share, though.”

  
  


Sehun was sure he heard the short man wrong. He wheezes. “What?”

“Join our gang,” he repeated casually. “As a payment for the rubix cube.”

“I’ll buy you the rubix cube,” Sehun’s heart was pounding against his ribcage. He was terrified by the idea. “It couldn’t be that expensive.”

“It was custom made,”

“Still--”

“In Europe.” the short man smirked. Sehun breathed heavily. “I’ll give you time, don’t worry, I’m not cruel. You get a whole damn year to earn it.” The man whispered the amount. Sehun’s eyes widened comically. A whole year would be enough if Sehun worked 24/7, with four full-time jobs. Oh fuck.

The man started walking away, from the place where he came from. Sehun felt a weird pump of confidence through him. “Wait,” he called. “I need a name to return it to.”

The man stopped in his tracks. “Huh. It’s Byun Baekhyun. Or give it to Kim Junmyeon.”

“Where can I find you?” Sehun started to sound pathetic, but he didn’t care. He wanted to do the most with the sudden burst of confidence in him.

  
  
  


Sehun came near the apartment with only a quarter of the money. He was sweating bad, but he blamed it on the hot weather and thick hoodie he wore. There was no watchman in front of the building. Sehun walked till the front door, and before he could search for the name, he heard a gun click. He froze.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Sehun took a deep breath. “I’m here to return money.”

“To whom?”

Sehun scrambled for the piece of paper he’d written the names of the two people. “By-byun Baekhyun?” He squints at his own scribbling. “Yeah. That guy.”

“He’s not here.”

“Then,” he turns it around. “Kim Junmyeon.”

“What kind of money?” The guy lowered his gun. “He’s on the first floor.”

Sehun nodded and goes to the first floor, ignored the question completely. Maybe everyone here has guns. There’s only one door in the whole floor. Another than the elevator, that is. He knocked firmly on the door. It opens around after a good minute. There was a short man, maybe shorter than Baekhyun, but also handsome. He wore casual jeans and black t-shirt with ‘Daddy Issues’ printed on it. Sehun assumed it was Junmyeon. “Who are you?”

“I have to return the money,” Sehun held the cash out. He gave it confidently, like that’s the exact amount of money to be returned. Nothing less.

“For what?”

“None of your business,” Sehun muttered. “I had to give it to Byun Baekhyun--”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Junmyeon snapped. “I believe it is my business. Tell me for what it is.”

Sehun found himself blushing. “His rubix cube.”

Junmyeon raised his eyebrow at him. “That’s expensive. You’re the guy who burnt it.”

Sehun doesn’t reply. Just stared at Junmyeon’s t-shirt. “Well, I guess you’re joining us.”

“W-what?” Sehun stuttered. He stared at Junmyeon, trying to figure out if the man was being serious. Junmyeon had a blank expression, though.

“You’re going to take four more years to pay it all back,” Junmyeon said. “It’s best if you join us. You’ll be free to go after the money’s paid.”

“No--”

“There’s no other way out of this.”

Sehun stared at Junmyeon for a good minute. Then sighed.

  
  
  


Baekhyun and Junmyeon are very on and off. One day they can’t bare to look at each other, next day their hands are all over each other’s bodies. It was okay in the beginning, but Sehun started having these dreams about them. In bed. Sometimes, he’d just spectate, most of the time, he’d be with them, kissing their bodies. 

Sehun blamed it on how affectionate both of them were to him. He didn’t see them being touchy with anyone else -- Baekhyun did it to Kyungsoo sometimes, just to rile him up. Baekhyun found Kyungsoo’s annoyance amusing.

Today started with a fight. Baekhyun was nagging Junmyeon about something, and Junmyeon called Baekhyun a hormonal teen. Baekhyun lost it and punched Junmyeon’s jaw. Fair and square. Kyungsoo and Sehun ate their breakfast quietly as the couple wrestled on the floor. Only Minseok could stop their physical fights, and he was in a different city.

Once the fighting stopped, Junmyeon sat next to Sehun, panting heavily. “I fucking hate him,” he gritted. “He can fuck off.”

Sehun stayed quiet. Baekhyun had stormed out of the house. Both were covered in bruises. Sehun doesn’t know since when he started liking both the men, nor when did his heart ache when they fought like this.

  
  
  


The psychiatrist diagnosed him with many things. Depression and pyromania were the weirdest things. Sure, he felt utterly useless after a good fire, but that didn’t mean depression. That’s just how he gets down from a fire-high. Sehun stayed neutral throughout the session. Minseok was listening closely. He worried about others’ health alot.

“We’ll prescribe you a few meds,” the psychiatrist smiled. “To help you cope. The weekly therapy session will help more, but we can’t take a risk, okay?”

“Okay.” Sehun nodded. Minseok smiled a little. Sehun felt something nice in his stomach.

  
  
  


Minseok was extremely disappointed to know Sehun threw the pills out, and didn’t attend any therapy sessions. And Minseok was never disappointed, everyone said. Sehun felt fucked up, but he didn’t need any of those.

“I’m fine,” he argued, angry at Minseok’s disappointed look. “I’m fine, hyung, they just wanted my money.”

Minseok sighed. “Sehunnie. Tell me how you feel after a fire.”

“I feel so  _ good _ , like I’m floating--”

“After all of it is over.”

Sehun pouted. He wanted everyone to know how nice it is to see a fire. To set things on fire. He thought about it for a while. “I feel bad.” he muttered. “I feel useless, I feel like crying, like nothing is good. I think of starting another fire, and keep it on my chest. And, and like all the gas from the fire went to my lungs.”

“That’s depression--”

“No,” Sehun glared at the elder. “Depression is being sad. People want to kill themselves. I don’t want to kill myself. I just want more fire. I want everything to be on fire.”

“That’s self-destructive.”

“I like it that way!” Sehun yelled. He was more angry. At the words Minseok said. He wasn’t ‘self-destructive’ he just liked fire! Those two different things! “I like fire! I’m not self-d-des-destructive!”

Before he knew it, he was crying. He goes to the corner of his room, and started crying more. He hated those words. He hated saying those words. He  _ wasn’t  _ self-destructive.

  
  
  


This psychiatrist was better. He didn’t press on the words too much. He’d stop after Sehun telling him once. Sehun made a deal with him: he would stop using the words, and Sehun would take the pills and come to therapy daily. He liked this guy, and didn’t want to steal something from him.

The psychiatrist asked him various questions, and suggests things to do when he’s feeling particularly bad. And didn’t have anything to set on fire. They talked about Sehun’s parents, his grandparents. Pressing on figuring out why Sehun is the way he is. Sehun realized he’s just born fucked up, but the psychiatrist doesn't believe so. 

It’s been a month and he still believes Sehun isn’t born fucked up. Baekhyun or Junmyeon accompany him sometimes. Today, both of them were here.

“They’re here,” Sehun told the psychiatrist excitedly. “Both of them.”

“You seem to like them a lot,” the psychiatrist smiled. Sehun didn’t understand why he smiled like that, but he couldn’t care less. Both were with him.

  
  


“Share?”

Junmyeon is very pale. Like he’s going to be sick. Baekhyun nods. “You clearly like him, Myeonie,” he coos at his boyfriend, holds him gently. “And I do, too, I think.”

Sehun watches them being affectionate from a distance, like they aren’t talking about him. Junmyeon is glancing back and forth between him and Baekhyun, like he can’t fathom what is happening right now. His expression makes Sehun chuckle a little. 

“It’ll make things complicated,” Junmyeon says, frowning. “Three-way thing is hard, Baekhyun.”

“We can try,” Baekhyun says. “No hard feelings if it doesn’t work out.” He looks at Sehun to confirm it. Sehun nods with a smile on his face.

Junmyeon chuckles. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’m very sure, baby.” Baekhyun purrs.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if you like less frequent but longer fics, or more frequent and shorter fics!! i hope you liked this!!! let me know if you did!!!!!! <3
> 
> (you can yell at me on my [twt](https://twitter.com/royalkjmyeon) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/cherrykims)!!!!! <3)


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